Born For One Thing

It is hard to believe that here we are, the last Saturday of June.

With the first half of this year five days from its conclusion, it feels like the perfect time to reflect on the year that has been so far. After the chaos and triumph of 2020 this year so far has been like the super moon last Thursday night. There have been moments where it has been obscured by clouds and times when the moon has shone brightly in the sky.

11:53 PM on Thursday, June 24th. I had just come home from seeing my friend Erin Hall perform at Rockwood Music Hall, my first concert since February 2020. As I opened the front gate, the moon appeared in the sky above.

But we need to go back to how this year began.

Just after the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Day. I was in my room watching my friend Holly Danger’s NYE livestream with a mini bottle of Martini Prosecco in hand. Everyone else had already gone to bed. But after how chaotic the year had been, I was determined to usher it out and make sure that it departed gently.

As January had moved ahead, it was time for the first major event of the new year, the reunion of my Made To Do This class. The last time that we were all on the same screen together was the week after Easter last April during the graduation call. I was in an already excited mood for the night, bolstered by the news that my Italy trip that was cancelled last July had been rescheduled for September 2022 after dragging my feet in deciding what to do. It was a joyous night as the sense of accomplishment that I struggled to feel came out of me that evening having put out A Poetic Journey and bolstered by everyone else celebrating their wins. And the surprise message at the end of the call made for a wonderful exclamation point to the proceedings.

For all the joy that was in the air, it wouldn’t last for very long.

I had a bit of warning from management that we would be short one member of the call center team from January 25th to April 26th. But I didn’t realize how much effort it would take to cover for said colleague. Up to this point, I was handling the dispatching and scheduling of our organization’s clothing bin collections. But, I had to take on all the communications and daily reporting on top of dealing with all of the donors. As there are only two associates in the office, the daily grind would get that much more difficult as time went on. I was able to shake off the jitters at the start of the coverage and begin to build my own rhythm as time went on. Through blizzards, short staffing and exterior issues, I would persevere.

As the winter turned to spring, a jab of hope on the horizon.

It was announced in March that our organization would be offering staff the COVID vaccine. After sitting around at home for the better half of a year, I didn’t hesitate to sign up. So there I was on the afternoon of March 26th in Brooklyn. As I was waiting for my appointment, I met up with my colleague as both of us had the same vaccination date. I hadn’t seen her in person since March of 2020 as we had been working at home for the entire time. That alone made me forget the side effects of the shot. I would have the second shot a month later and true to form, the effects were much stronger. I shouldn’t have made it to work the next day, but I did and ached all over my body.

As April continued on, another annual tradition was upon us.

On the 10th, it was my sister’s friend Teresa’s birthday party. But unlike last year when it was virtual, this time it would be an in-person affair. I was nervous about going as I was in between vaccinations. But it was also my first outing with people since the night after Valentine’s Day of 2020. My sister and I arrived at the Beekman Tower, where at the top of the building lies the lounge, Ophelia. All the nerves were chased away once I saw the view of the east side skyline and Manhattan under the lights. The familiarity of it all was a welcome sight. I might have overindulged on tequila that night as it began to come up the next morning.

On the writing front, I’m meandering.

The poems kept coming, but not much else. Plans for Book #2 had been discussed and so was trying to get A Poetic Journey into paperback. Both had stalled out for the moment. I had my moments of creation, such as taking on Erin Dansevicus’s “30 Days of Poetry” and coming up with a poem for each of her prompts. But I was burned out and needing to find some other avenue to get my words across.

After the poetic pause back in March, I turned to reading my poems on video and posting them to my Instagram feed. I felt less static reading the poems and enjoyed giving the backstory to them, even if I rambled on for a bit during some of the videos.

I would also explore another idea that has long been bandied about, selling my poems as art prints. In May, I opened up my Society 6 account and started to sell the pieces. With so many of them, the hard part is picking and choosing which ones could be sold. And I’ve had at least two sales from the venture so far.

As May became June, there was still more stormy waters to navigate. The sense that the struggles at work since returning from the pandemic were rearing their heads. The last vestige of pre-pandemic life was about to return, working from the office instead of at home. So it was the week of June 21st as I stepped back into the warehouse for the first time since March 16th, 2020 for a full day of work. Tech difficulties, covering for my colleague and getting in trouble marked my return. The bar of expectations being so high, for one piece of furniture in bad condition, a write-up was on the horizon.

I feel enough pressure trying to get my writing off the ground and holding onto my day job at the same time.

I managed to hold on just long enough to get to my vacation. A needed two-week pause after the last six months tried every part of me. There was one moment of joy, seeing my friend Erin perform last Thursday night. From the first bite of the Jamon Serrano for dinner to the hug from my friend Jen Jinx and every note that followed in the next 90 minutes, it was a welcome sight to be back in the world again, if only for the night.

That’s where things stand as the first half of the year is about to come to an end.

There are a few questions to resolve in the second half of this year, though:

Will book #2 or the paperback version of book #1 be released before the end of the year?

Will I still have my job at the end of the year, or will things change?

Where will I be on 12/31/2021?

Will I find a direction to take my writing in?

Those answers will come in due time.

But before the page is turned on the first half of this year, a friend’s wedding and a stay in Montauk are on the cards. And Gojira’s album “Fortitude” in my headphones as the song which also happens to be the title of this post begins.