Five years

The title of the post references the opening song of my favorite David Bowie album, 1972’s “The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars”. It’s also the length of time that I’ve been writing this blog. Five years ago this week, my friend and fairy blog mother Stephanie Infante put the idea into my head to start my own blog. But the roots of this idea go back even farther than this.

My first blog was on the website, xanga.com. I would chronicle my college years as Facebook had not yet arrived. I would write about my days and the struggle of starting over as a undergraduate at John Jay College. But I abandoned it around sophomore year as I didn’t lead enough of a life to post every day. And the idea stayed dormant until 2012.

I came back from Paris and London that October and the post summarizing the trip went into excruciating detail of my first trip without my parents. To the point that my cousin Chris told me that I should get a blog. I thought about it and in typical fashion, didn’t follow through with the idea. It didn’t come back around for another five months.

At that point in May 2013, I was struggling in my job search. I hit a new low as the organization that I volunteered for abruptly ended my time with them. The circumstances of my exit were shaky at best as files from the records room allegedly went missing. Since they couldn’t find anyone watch over me while I filed the papers, I was let go that day. It didn’t stop me from bawling my eyes out in the supply closet in front of my supervisor. I was at a low not seen since the aftermath my leg surgeries in the summer of 2001. In the days after, the suggestion came about to start the blog. The first post went live the day after I had my first meeting with my supervisor to be at my next assignment. Not knowing of course that it was the start of something wonderful.

My writing is a place of solace. Here, I feel as I can speak my mind without any worries. I have difficulty communicating verbally thanks to the cerebral palsy I was born with. I shy away from speaking due to my stammering. My speech pattern consists of speaking in half phrases where I would get frustrated when someone pressures me to say something. When I write it down, everything becomes so clear and logical. But at times, I get too wordy and my message gets muddled.

And as the years have gone by, I found a few niches. I found plenty to write about after every concert and every trip. Occasionally, I would delve deep into memories of days that left a significant impact on my life. It was my way of dealing with it rather than the memories keep haunting me. In my naivete, I felt the need to chronicle my early days at my new job, not keeping certain things in mind like using names in retelling the story. There’s always a story yearning to be told from every situation.

Five years later, life is a different place. I have my full time job as a donation associate. I didn’t think I’d make it past the first year due to my sensitive and combustible nature.  Though I have my rough days, I’ve made it to four years outlasting everyone in the office the day I started except for my manager.  Being where I am now opened the door to every friend I’ve made, all the experiences, every concert and every trip. And the job gives me a reason to hold my head high every day even if I struggle to find a reason why. Who knows where life would be if I didn’t take the call three days after the Langone debacle ended. I had nothing to lose and I gained everything along the way. Friends have come and gone but I’m here with their spirits guiding the way.

I want to thank everyone who has read this blog over the years. To those who have noticed and glanced at it. And especially those who follow the blog. It makes my heart swell with pride that my outlet of solace isn’t going completely unnoticed. I put all my effort into each post, a bit of heart and soul. What a five years it has been and I hope that the next five are as eventful as these have been. Hopefully, I’ll be in a different place by then where I don’t feel perpetually stressed out about the world that I live in. I wish everyone all the joy felt when I press the submit button and then share it. All milestones should be shared, no matter how small they are. And this is a big deal for me as committing to something has always been one of the many struggles I’ve faced in life.

We’ve got five years, what a surprise. We’ve got five years, my brain hurts a lot. We’ve got five years, that’s all we got!